My husband makes coffee for me every morning. We aren't talking about a particularly demonstrative or romantic man. Even so, when I get out of the shower, there's a cup of sweetened coffee waiting for me.
I am not, by nature, a morning person. I am by necessity. Some people say that taking a shower wakes them up. Not me. I require something stronger than just soap and water to pry my sleepy eyes open.
Is a cup of coffee such a big deal? It is to me. It's more than coffee in a lot of ways. It shows me that my husband loves me, because he sweetens it even though he is opposed to sugar in coffee. I think it is a very thoughtful gesture for him to have it waiting for me.
I am ashamed to admit how long it took me to truly appreciate that. Learning how to see the intentions behind the actions has taken me some years. He has learned, too. It used to be that he would not sweeten the coffee. I always wondered what the point was in bringing it to me, knowing I would just have to go back and add sugar anyway.
That was his attempt to control my terrible, reckless behavior. In time, he learned to quit trying to control something so inconsequential. In other words, he sweetens my coffee, so he has grown. I take sugar in my coffee, so I haven't.
Time and years have taught me that a marriage is made of minutes in the same way a mile is made up of inches. The little incremental things we do every day are as important, in the long run, as the big defining moments of marriage. Yes, it was hugely important for him to be there when our children were born. It is equally important that he spends a couple of seconds in the morning, to stir a spoonful of sugar into a cup of coffee. It all counts.