Homemade Mustard

It's becoming a dreadful problem for many people, I know! What to do with those little bits of some fabulous beer that went flat in the growler? What do you do with a bit of champagne, after the party is over? Oh, that Pinot Grigio that tasted soooo good last night, and now there's just a half a glass, but you're too hungover to even think about having that? Well, my beloved, I am here to solve that little riddle for you. Make mustard! You'll be surprised at how easy it is to make homemade mustard and the creative and personal varieties you can craft. Don't think of this as a recipe; it's more of an explanation.

Homemade Mustard

1/2 cup of mustard seeds. Mustard seeds can be found in the white/yellow variety, which are beige or (believe it or not) a mustard-yellow kind of color, or in brown/black mustard seeds. The white/yellow ones are much milder and the ones I have seen in the store don't SAY that they are white or yellow. They just say "mustard seed". Brown or Black mustard seeds are much stronger, so if you want hot mustard, bear that in mind. Making this recipe with 1/4 cup of yellow mustard seeds and 1/4 cup of brown ones will make a pretty spicy mustard. 
1/3 cup + 1 Tablespoon water
1 Tablespoon ground mustard (such as Coleman's)
1/2 cup of ... something. Some kind of beer or wine. Guinness is a favorite. Champagne is nice. Almost any white wine is nice. You can use sherry, light beer, IPA, wheat beer, porter, cold duck, whatever. What you choose here is going to depend partly on what kind of mustard seeds you chose. Although Guinness is good with either mild or hot seeds, champagne might be best with a milder mustard seed. It's your call. I have seen mustard made with fruit juice for this measure, but... what's the point? OK, maybe a cranberry juice for a special day-after-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich?
3 Tablespoons of vinegar. Apple cider vinegar is always safe, but don't be afraid to try seasoned rice wine vinegar, or any kind of wine vinegar, or include part of the measure as balsamic or even malt vinegar. I wouldn't encourage all of the vinegar to be balsamic or malt, though. I don't think that would bring enough ZING to your end product.
1 Tablespoon liquid sweetener: honey, maple syrup, brown rice syrup or even pancake syrup would all do nicely. Don't go with anything too liquidy, though. You want that binding power of something more viscous. And probably not molasses, as that would overpower the other flavors.

I made this with in a mild version using all plain yellow mustard seeds, Pinot Grigio, apple cider vinegar and honey as the sweetener. It was pretty wonderful. My remarks about using Pinot Grigio in the first paragraph are purely speculation, of course. I also made it with ALL brown seeds, Guinness, red wine vinegar and honey. It was so hot I was unable to speak for a few hours after tasting it.

Anyway. Combine all of the ingredients in a glass or stainless steel bowl and let sit for a 3 - 5 days. If the weather is hot, I recommend 5 days in the fridge. Otherwise, 3 to 5 days sitting on the counter is fine.

Pour this mess into the blender and give it a good whirl. Blend it as smooth or grainy as you prefer, adding a little more water, 1 tablespoon at a time, as needed to get the consistency that you've been dreaming of.

That's it. Refrigerate it when you're finished blending it and it will keep for a good 6 months.