Look Again

A couple of things have come up lately that have made me stop and take a hard look at myself.

Yesterday, my friend mentioned something about being intimidated by some people.

I pooh-poohed her at the time, thinking, "Oh, how could you feel intimidated by anyone? You're so awesome!". But then I thought about it some more. A lot, really.

Here is this beautiful, funny, talented, intelligent and accomplished women and SHE feels intimidated by other people. What she said struck a familiar note, and reminded me of a saying that Grandma had about a mirror and a magnifying glass.

Another friend has been struggling with self-doubt, too. She has looked full in the face of her own complexity and found herself reeling. All of the things that I think make her amazing, make her feel uncomfortable with herself and different. 

Huh. I often feel intimidated and oh-so-very different. Here I am, 50 years old, and incredibly contented in my life. My husband is my hero and my heartthrob every day, even 30 years into the deal. I'm healthy, happy and fairly successful. I don't have a college degree, and I took a ten-year hiatus from the working world to raise my sons. Even with the late start and the (then) skimpy resume, I managed to rise to a level I am comfortable with and respected for.

Our sons have grown to become honorable and healthy young men. My dog is well-behaved and my garden grows just fine. WHY would I ever feel intimidated by others? Inspired? Yes! Intrigued? Absolutely. Interested? Sure! But why should I go through my life feeling like I'm actually a bit of a fraud?

The mirror doesn't have an answer to that question, but I think it's a sign of personal growth to ask the question at all.