Never Say Never

My FIL, who has been married three times and divorced three times, tells me that "never" is not a word to be tossed around lightly. I agree. Even so, I've done some things in my life that I would really like to include in a list of "never again".


  • Being pregnant. Don't get me wrong: I loved being pregnant and I cherished my babies. Now I'm almost 50 years old, though. Even though I get a powerful baby urge from time to time, I never want to be pregnant again. It would be a miracle on the order of Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, but still. No thank you, Lord, on that particular miracle.
  • Roller coasters. Been on two. Done with with two. Done with that. Thank you very much.
  • Hunting Coues' Whitetail Deer. Done that, too. Honestly, America. I'm not tough enough. The little grey ghosts only live in rough, rocky, cactus-ridden, straight up-and-down, rugged country. I admit it. I. Am. Not. Tough. Enough.
  • Speaking in front of a group.
  • Martinis. Yeah. No more of those for me. I had never tasted a martini. Sweet Hubs and I went away for a few days. It was something on my bucket list, so (with the helpful advice of my dear friend Karen, who knew I was making plans) I ordered a Gray Goose dirty martini. Blechhhhh. I'd rather drink the olive juice or plain NyQuil. Things that make you go "Bleeechhhh". I am a sweet-wine girl. Case closed.
  • Raising turkeys. We had a good experience raising turkeys. We did. But have you ever plucked a turkey? It might be unfair of me to mention this so soon before Thanksgiving, but picking turkeys is just plain gross. Turkeys smell much worse than chickens this way. The pinfeathers are G-R-O-S-S. Like squeezing giant, stinky blackheads. Next time I raise a turkey, it will be raising it OUT of the freezer at Safeway, and into my grocery cart.
  • The size I used to wear. It's gone forever.  
  • Going bra-less (in public).
  • I know that I can never eat a whole, raw, unpeeled apple again. IBS. 'Nuf said.
  • Bikinis in public. Gone forever. No need to thank me, America. I am opposed to pollution of all sorts, including visual pollution.
I wonder what I'll giving up ten years from now?

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