You know those "For Dummies" books? Astronomy For Dummies, Windows For Dummies, Investing For Dummies, etc? I think I want to write one called "Life For Dummies". It will be all about daily living inside a home, applicable to apartments, single-family dwellings, condos and even a single-wide in Tornado Alley. Also applies to any kitchen, bathroom or work space shared with others.
I want to cover the important tips for living that somehow were neglected when people were growing up. I am, I admit, part of the problem. My own two grown sons did not learn all of these lessons. I don't know where I went wrong. Some of the chapters might include:
- Toilet paper holders. How to identify an empty one. How they work. How to replace a roll of TP, once you've determined the holder is empty.
- Garbage. What is it and where does it go? How do you know when to take out the garbage? Does it magically disappear, or do you have to do something? This chapter will help the reader to decide if that empty carton of ice cream or box of cereal should be thrown away, or returned to its point of origin. How much cereal can you ethically throw away? Four Froot Loops does not qualify as tomorrow's breakfast.
- Dishes, Part I. If you know where to find a clean dish when you want one, then you DO ACTUALLY know where to put the clean ones in the dishwasher. And dishwashers do not empty themselves.
- Dishes, Part II. Which items need to be rinsed and why. Water glasses? No rinsing necessary. Milk glasses, oatmeal bowls, plate of eggs: please rinse. Well.
- Leftovers as a science project. What happens to an Egg McMuffin if you leave it in the fridge in its paper wrapper for more than 2.5 minutes. Also: this has black spots and green fuzz. What should I do with it? Also: Saran Wrap. More than just a Halloween Costume.
Part B might include an Outdoor Section:
- The dog is whining pitifully and looking at her feeder, the door, her water dish..... What does this mean?
- More dogs: how to identify the dog poop in the yard, and what to do about it.
- Anyone can pick up trash. It's true! Did you know this? A Wendy's burger wrapper blows onto your front step. The original owner might not actually know that it is here. How will it find its way to the dumpster. This is a logic problem.
- Just for fun, and to grind my own personal axe, I want to include a chapter about Your Barking Dog. My family worked very diligently to teach our blue, OCD, Australian Cattle Dog that she was expected to bark at some things and not permitted to bark at other things. It IS possible to teach a dog to hush. It is! Honestly. If our OCD dog and her 3 predecessors can learn, your dog can, too. Neighbors walking on the sidewalk? No bark. Guy in a black ski mask trying to get in your back door? Bark!!! OK. We were a little vague about when to bark or not bark at elk, since our OCD dog let the elk in without a peep, while they consumed my entire garden. But we can't blame the dog. She is officially retired, anyway. In any case, dogs barking at..... air? NO FRIGGING BARK!!!
Who knows. Maybe it will be in stores soon. !
I have to be fair, here. My own men, Sweet Hubs and my two Boomerangs, are not guilty of all the offenses. I gathered the ideas from many places.