Off-Topic?

OK, it's called "Contemplating Happiness", but right now I feel like contemplating something that WOULD make me happy. Phone etiquette for doing business, even personal business. Especially regarding voicemail. It's all so simple, folks!

• Tell me your name, the whole thing. Unless your name is Hezekiah or Methuselah or some other extremely unusual name, your first name alone is probably not sufficient. I have hundreds of clients, and each account has several people who might call on its behalf. Take pity on an old woman and tell me who you are?
• If you are leaving me a message which asks me to call you back, then you don't really need to leave a 20 minute message telling me the whole story, only to repeat it (now stretched out to 35 minutes) when I return your call.
• If you are in a hurry to have something done by a certain time, it is counter-productive for you to tell me all about how you met your 5th wife. I'm asking you what time it is, and you're telling me how a clock works.
• Never NEVER start out just abruptly giving me your account number or policy number. Something like, "Hi, This is Marie Antoinette, and I am calling regarding my policy #......." All I need is a second to grab a pen, as soon as I get the hint that I'll need it. No no! Stop right there, smarty pants! You can't assume I'll have a pen in hand before I check voice mail because I only need to write down something on a fraction of incoming messages.
• Here is where I stray into the realm of the politically incorrect. Bear with me. It happens all the time and I just really need to tell you. I have very sweet, elderly clients who call. They can't hear a thing I say. They aren't even sure I'm on the phone with them. They ask me umpteen questions, can't hear my umpteen.5 answers, and then say (get this), "Hold on, I'll put my daughter on the phone and she can talk to you." By this time I'm ready to drive my own size-six stiletto right through my temple. If your daughter can hear, and was there the whole time.....?????? Was she sitting there, hand open, trying to get you to give her the phone? Or was she sitting in your barcolounger with the lace doilies on the arm rests, laughing maniacally? IS THIS FUNNY???

I love my job. I really do. But I am a busy woman. I enjoy shooting the breeze with you, and hearing your stories. Without my cherished clients, there'd be no money for pinto beans in my house. I want to be able to give each and every one of you my undivided attention. It sure helps if you are as respectful of my time as I try to be of yours.

Love,

Your Insurance Agent