Letting Go When You Didn't Know You Were Holding On

Ever since the first time I saw this part of Montana, I knew I wanted to live here. The trees and the water, wildlife and simpler living: all very appealing to a country girl like me. And three weeks ago, it happened! I moved to our precious little slice of heaven.

Moving equals purging, you know. Especially if the move is going to mean a major lifestyle change. All those pairs of stilettos? Gone. I even got rid of some of my cookware. This was more difficult than the shoes, I must say. I did pack up my Maywine, which is funny really, since it came from here in the first place.

I brought my guard dog, of course:

My beautiful sister and I road tripped it up here, had a fun week together before she flew back to Arizona, and then....then the learning really started.

I started my new job two weeks ago, and I learned some important things. Although not about the job so much. Oh, I have plenty to learn about that, of course. No, what I have been learning these past two weeks is really about myself.

The last time I was "caught up" at work was well over 10 years ago. Three weeks ago, I might have defined my last two jobs as stressful, but I realized this week that a lot of that was of my own manufacturing. I thrive on problem solving, on learning all I can about all different aspects of whatever is at hand, on deadlines and on workplace challenges. 

So there I was, in a nice, quiet, efficient one-woman office, where everything is already organized and perking along nicely...and I felt frantic. Frenetic. Feverish to absorb every kernel of information as quickly as possible and practically manufacture problems, just so I could solve them.

In a moment of blinding clarity, I said to myself, "Self, what the hell are you doing?" 

Looking at my metaphorical white-knuckle grip on the stress I apparently love to generate, I willed myself to chill. Relax. Simplify. Embrace the fact that I am now working fewer hours, a more human pace, with the previously-inconceivable possibility of being CAUGHT UP. 

And at the end of the day, I still have enough juice in my battery to write. Practice my guitar. Play with my puppy. Clean! Or simply sit on the porch and admire the stunning beauty of my new home. 

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