The effect of having children should be measured the same way.
For every child you have, you should:
- Add six years to the age of your bladder.
- Subtract twenty I.Q. points.
- Add six ounces of wine to your recommended daily consumption.
- Add 500 calories (preferably in chocolate) to your daily diet.
- Lower the altitude of your ta-tas by 12 degrees.
- Add 10 gray hairs, compounded annually, until they reach adolescence, and then increase the gray hair exponentially until your children have grandchildren of their own.
- Subtract 5% of your patience quotient.
- Forget 15% of what you learned in school. (To be demonstrated when you help them with their homework.)
- Subtract 10% from your financial stability.
- Increase your sleep requirement by one hour.
- Add 2 more cups of coffee to your morning, just to get you started.
- Subtract 5 opportunities for lovemaking with your honey every day. But don't worry, because those opportunities just go into a savings account for when you're empty nesters.
- Most of all, increase your amazingness by 500%, because we all know that Moms RULE and Dads are pretty cool, too.