Horse Feathers

Benjamin Franklin is attributed with saying, "Only believe half of what you see and none of what you hear." I don't know that that means he is the first person to say it, but he's getting the credit.

Here are a few things I don't believe:

  • Those diet ads. Some young, gorgeous hardbody with muscle tone and a tan, telling me that only 6 weeks ago she looked like a pasty-faced buffalo heifer with cottage-cheese-thighs. They're telling me that if I drink their concoction every morning, noon and night, I won't look like a middle-aged, mother of two, desk jockey with little-to-no natural suntan? Bull puckey.
  • The picture that goes along with "How to get a swimsuit body by summer". Some smiling person, no sweat shining on their brow, in a perfectly clean home and wearing SOOO fashionable workout gear....exercising on some device that looks like medieval contraption to turn a breach baby around.. C'mon, now. Really? Who smiles when they're working out? 
  • Politicians. Any of 'em.
  • About 90% of the recipes. Mix one can of cream of mushroom soup with one can of Underwoods Deviled Chicken and you'll get Chicken Tetrazzini. What ARE you smoking?
  • Celebrities + Judges + Juries = The Muppet Show. Who do they thing they're kidding, here? If Lindsay Lohan lived in Phoenix, Sheriff Joe would have her living in a tent by now, for sure. I don't even want to think about what would have happened to Charlie Sheen by now. He'd be the belle of the ball. Ewww. 
  • Jeans that promise to slim, trim, lift, sculpt, shape and not be like my daughter's. If you can lift, sculpt and trim me, you can't be made of mere denim. 
  • Shampoos that promise to give me thick, shiny tresses with no split ends. Well f*ck me running. Nothing is going to make that happen. Mother Nature gave me extremely fine, puny, flyaway hair. I've learned to live with it. Really, John Frieda, maybe you could apply your chemistry to fighting off pollen, instead. 
  • Name your price insurance. This one really just ticks me off. You can name your price with almost any insurance company. That is NOT the same thing as getting a policy that fits your needs. Name your price, my hind foot. Name your price, and get succinct directions to the door. 
  • Find your friends. Find your classmates. Find the police records of your ex-boyfriend. Find the love of your life, your new house, your lucky numbers and the answer to your dreams. Only cost you $9.99 a minute, too.
  • The estimated MPG on a car. 30 in the city, 45 on the highway. Yeah, maybe if it's a straight highway running down hill the whole way.
  • "Less fat" on almost anything. All that means is "less fat than we could have squeezed in here, but the same amount as it's always had."
  • Filtered dog water. We bought a drinker for our new Chloe. Couldn't find one that didn't have a built-in filter to make the water "taste better". The first chance she got, she drank out of a mud puddle. She really cares about better tasting water.
  • And the biggest bunch of hooey of all? "What are you doing in there, son?" ........"Nuthin'."

Comments always welcome!

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